[HWT]

Just tried a slightly different tack:

 
{if $smarty.server.HTTPS eq "on"}
<p align="center"> <a href="http://www.bbbonline.org/cks.asp?id=10407307355244320">
<img src="{$ImagesDir}/bbb.gif" width="120" height="240" border="0"></a>
<br>
<br>
{literal}
<!-- GeoTrust QuickSSL [tm] Smart Icon tag. Do not edit. -->
<SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript" TYPE="text/javascript" SRC="//smarticon.geotrust.com/si.js"></SCRIPT>
<!-- end GeoTrust Smart Icon tag -->
{/literal}
</p>
{else}
<a href="http://www.shopping.com/xMR-Direct 2 You~MRD-304819~S-1" >
<img src="http://www.shopping.com/merchant_logo?ID=304819" width="120" height="49" border="0"alt="Read Your Store Reviews" /></a><br>
<br>
<a href="http://www.bbbonline.org/cks.asp?id=10407307355244320">
<img src="{$ImagesDir}/bbb.gif" width="120" height="240" border="0"></a>
<br>
<br>
{literal}
<!-- GeoTrust QuickSSL [tm] Smart Icon tag. Do not edit. -->
<SCRIPT LANGUAGE="JavaScript" TYPE="text/javascript" SRC="//smarticon.geotrust.com/si.js"></SCRIPT>
<!-- end GeoTrust Smart Icon tag -->
{/literal}
<br>
<a href="http://www.shopping.com/xDN-Toys" ><img src="https://sc.dealtime.com/cctool/files/spacer.gif" width="1" height="1" border="0"alt="" /></a></p>
{/if}

Didn't work either. I do believe I'm going nuts.